Cocoa Coated Musings

So I'm sitting here Christmas Eve, and against all odds I'm depressed.
You know what I miss? I miss Santa Clause. I miss a time when everything was magical, my family was solid, and Christmas glowed like a sunset in a dim, snowy canyon.
I'm never going to tell my kids about Santa Clause because from there on out it becomes all about the gifts and less about the wonder. I found even myself in a foul mood because I knew I wasn't getting as many presents as last year. I don't know how I ever let myself become such a Scrooge.
I mean yeah, I'm getting shirts that I picked out for Christmas and not much else, but you know what, there are people way less fortunate than me, and I should be grateful for what I have.
In fact, I should be trying to ease other people's lives this Holiday season and not become so obsessed about gimme and mine.
Gosh, I hate when you get those chunky bits of unmixed chocolate in your hot cocoa.
But I digress, I'm going to open those shirts and be happy for and with what I have. I know I got everyone else great gifts and giving is more important than receiving, no matter how cheesy, didactic, or cliche that may sound.
Wow, I sound like a television Christmas special. But I'm glad to be with my Grandma who I rarely ever get to see, and I'm glad I have a white Christmas to wake up to.
Funny how a little bit of hot cocoa at two in the morning can put everything into perspective.
I love my family and my girlfriend.
I thank God for all I have.
Especially whipped cream.

First Entry

Generic enough title I think.
I made this because I was prompted by a friend with whom I recently connected.
It's scary how much she reminds me of those I've lost, but as usual I digress.
I have problems. Duh. Why else would someone want to rant to themselves in an exhibitionist form of a diary? I want to solve these issues and I hope somehow through this magical internet page, things will all become clear, life will unveil itself, I'll gain twenty pounds of muscle, I'll lose every doubt, and all my friends will return as happy and supportive as ever.
Most of that won't happen, I know. But it's nice to set goals, and it's nice to stay optimistic.
Blogs are just so deep so candid, you know? If you're reading this you're reading what I would say to my dearest, truest friend: the one who has been through everything I've been through and understands me like no one else. Myself.
You're getting my true, and completely candid feelings, unless I want to lie to myself or put on some artistic persona, but even then that's a piece of the real me.
I have read two blogs in my entire lifetime but both times I discovered true pain and joy, secret heartache and simple pleasures. Obviously I seek to emulate such honesty. Obviously I want to have a place where I am myself without having to worry about what you're thinking of me.
Thanks to that friend, I have a new outlet.
Thanks to that friend, I have a lot to talk about.
So here I go, musing to a mirror and hoping I can put it all together.
Here is life as seen through my eyes, no matter how vague and cheesy that may sound.
Why I have so many lines that sound like the end of the post I'll never know.
Okay.
Goodbye for real now.